Why not just block the net with a fat guy?

Nate has asked me several times why hockey teams don't just employee the biggest man they can find to completely block the net with his obesity. Today the story made the front page of digg! The article is rather long, but it's funny and I suggest you read it.
To summarize:

There are, she said, nonnegotiable restrictions on the size of goalie pads, and no regulation goalie pads would even come close to covering the body of a man who makes John Goodman look svelte. In practical terms this means a mammoth net-minder would have to absorb quite a bit of punishment on his exposed body from hard rubber pucks hurtling toward him at upward of 100 miles per hour. To pull this off, a team would not only have to find a uniquely fat guy, they'd have to find a total masochist.

Enjoy the article!